Your kid comes home from school, disappointed she didn’t make the team or the honor society Before you call the school to badger them into giving your kid what they deserve, consider this advice from Slate’s Ask a Teacher column.

The difference between advocating for your child and being a “pushy parent” can be seen in the following signs:

• The parent lacks perspective and can’t see that, though the kid didn’t make the team, she is going to be “absolutely fine.”
• The parent lacks self-awareness, assuming the decision is invalid rather than reflecting on mistakes or rejection with the child and offering them a chance to grow.
• The parent should use social capital to benefit all kids, rather than just their own.

• Approach the staff member directly involved and most able to help.
• Request an in-person or phone meeting over email, so the teacher has some notice, and you can clarify what needs to be discussed.
• Aim for a “collaborative discussion” rather than a battle of expertise or will.