Wow, I tell ya, pregancy is NO FUN sometimes.  Aside from having a relatively issue-free incubation period, I’ve run into a bunch of things that have to go on my running mental no-no list.   Most of these things are food or activities.

The “activity” that’s just boggled me the entire time, is the “no sleeping on your back” ‘rule’.  Not so much a rule, as a strongly suggested tip for sleeping.  Apparently after a certain point, your baby-filled uterus is too much bulk to be placing on a certain vein that runs up behind your womb and down into your legs, and putting to much pressure on this can cut off circulation to the placenta, thus cutting baby off from oxygen and nutrients.  Freakin’ scary, dude!  I mean, seriously how did generations and generations of women and unborn children actually survive without this precious gem of information?  My own mother certainly didn’t ever hear of it! (and I’m here!).  Being a back-sleeper myself, I tend to think this is another bit of conspiracy theory to make expectant mothers even more uncomfortable in their own bloated skin.

Furthermore ‘they’ tell you it’s best to sleep on your left side, for better circulation.  How is it that we don’t have left-side-scrunched Igors limping around pushing baby strollers?  Geesh.  No sleeping on your back? – bite me.  I further think this is a conspiracy theory to help chiropractors & massage therapists make more money.

Add to the Running List of Party-Pooper No-Nos today is one of my favorite breakfast indulgences – lox and cream cheese on a bagel.  Now, I’ve been staying away from what ‘they’ tell pregnant women not to eat –  deli meats, unpasteurized cheeses (including brie), sushi (of the raw variety), alcohol (jury’s still out on that one, but I’ve opted to abstain) – you know, all the fun stuff in life that you’d find on any worthy buffet table at a friend’s party.  But yesterday I predicted that I’d have a lazy Saturday morning craving, and so I went to Wegmans and hit up all of their ultra-yummy spots in the Market Cafe to stock up for my feast.  I settled on the fixin’s for my beloved lox and bagels.

And boy was I looking forward to it.  I made up a plate for Anthony (to which he gushed how much he loved lox and bagels), and I sat down with my own full plate, as that ever-inconvenient yet well-timed mommy alarm started going off in my head… “WARNING! WARNING! Can preggo’s even HAVE smoked salmon??”  [pause]  [sigh]  “Alright fine,” I huffed as I set my plate of heaven aside and picked up my laptop to google the phrase, “Can pregnant women eat….”  (Google is so funny with it’s auto-complete – obviously many women out there are doing the same thing I’m doing because that whole list of no-no foods came up as an auto-complete option.)

There it was.  The answer I didn’t want to see. Smoked salmon, unless from a can (ew!), should not be consumed by pregnant women because it runs the same listeria bacteria risk as deli meats and everything else I mentioned above.

So I begrudgingly picked off every last shred of smoky lox goodness and created a pile of dejected salmon on the side of my plate, all the while Anthony munching away without a care across from me… and I bitterly chewed every bite of my naked bagels & chive cream cheese (and eggs) while dreaming of the day I could once again indulge.  The cats came hovering in all directions… they too, apparently yet not surprisingly, like lox… and were the unappreciative benefactors of my broken salmon dreams.

I tell you what, when this kid is out and I get a break, it’s gonna be a wild indulgent evening of sushi, deli meat, brie, smoked salmon and wine… and I’m gonna pass out flat on my back, and I’m gonna love every minute of it.  So there!