Yesterday I had to take the day off from work, as I went in for blood glucose testing to make sure I haven’t developed gestational diabetes – It was something that I actually started to dread, thanks to my mom, who told me the sickeningly sweet solution you have to drink is that most awful thing in the world. On and on she would go about the nastiness that I was about to experience. This wasn’t sounding like happy funtimes.
If you’re not familiar with this test, basically you’re told to “not eat anything after Midnight” the night before [insert inevitable Gremlins joke here], you can only have water, and when you arrive at the doctor’s, they draw your blood and make you chug a tall glass of a thick icky glucose concoction. After that, they draw your blood 2 more times over a 2-hour period.
No real big deal, right? Except that “fasting” from midnight to 8am is a breeze for “normal” people – for me it is a chore. I am deadset in my routine. I usually get up at 4am, have coffee in hand by 5:15am, breakfast by 7am, second breakfast or random scrounge for food in the company kitchen by 9am, and then lunch at around 11… Add to that, yesterday instinctually reaching for an apple while feeding my cats that morning (and by “apple” I mean “cookie”), feeling the urge to make a carafe of coffee and having to physically hold back, and then having to deal with “normal” morning commute traffic (that I don’t usually have to deal with at 4:30am) SANS caffeine or nourishment of any sort… how do you guys DO it??
My schedule was all sorts of “off” by the time I hopped up on the table for my first blood draw. I don’t really mind getting poked with needles… I just don’t like to watch. I was moreso worried about what was to come. Thanks mom. But then came time to guzzle a round of the dreaded glucose solution that my momma warned me about… which was presented to me in a tall clear glass with Hawaiian hula dancers printed on the side, no doubt to distract me from the bright orange Koolaid imposter inside.
The lab tech pulled out her watch – “You have five minutes” she said, as I inspected the glass. “Five minutes?” I thought as I brought it to my lips. “Is it really THAT bad that I’d need five minutes to finish it off?? Maybe looks are deceiving, and it had the basic molecular structure of half-firmed Jello, that would undoubtedly solidify in my throat? “Alright, here goes!”
Right down the hatch.
5 minutes? Pppsssshhhhhhhh! How about 30 seconds at most to polish off every last drop. No sweat. I’ve had worse mixed drinks from novice bartenders in my many years of experience. Now granted, it wasn’t necessarily something I’d regularly enjoy on a hot summer day, but finally – FINALLY – all my hard work partaking and partying over the years had FINALLY paid off!!! See Ma – it wasn’t a waste of time!
That said, I was actually sorely disappointed that I didn’t get a nice cold glass of orange sugar water EVERY time I went back in to get my blood pulled. I was fully expecting to have to repeat that entire procedure all morning long. Drat. Now I’m having cravings for orange soda…. but that could be the dizziness from lack of blood setting in.
